The New Working Stiff

Unless you are ignorant and /or brainwashed from childhood you will believe in evolution and understand that we humans came from chimpanzees. Just because there aren’t any Cro-Magnons of various intelligence in between us and Chimps doesn’t mean there never were. In fact there had to be or we would not be here in the first place since we have no other lineage path.

I suspect given the rate at which we humans kill off anyone who is different from us even in slight ways such as religious belief or color of skin, it is not a big step to kill every intermediary between us and chimps given that they would have been dumber than us but not dump enough to be considered a pet.

These days the intermediaries would be called minorities and given protection status so we couldn’t hunt them into extinction, and there could be some great benefits to humanity if they were available to the work force.

Scientifically it is possible to create any number of these intermediaries by DNA manipulation and selective breeding. Obviously you couldn’t expect a blond blue eyed Swede to successfully mate with a chimp given the distance their heritage is away from each other not to mention the difficulty in creating a physical attraction. Nor would some dangly armed black guy be close enough to give positive results, not to mention that past selective breeding have made black men big in more ways than one, creating a physical mating difficulty for the lady.

Not that I am a scientist or anything but if I were to do it I would start by finding the closest match of a person that looked like a chimp – one of those guys on the Geico ads would do or any number of people from Alabama. Then I would find the smallest one of them, get them both drunk and voila you got fucking.

If you think that will create an intermediary you are not a very scientifically minded person. Why is that? It has been done before many times and didn’t work. First let’s consider the act itself, I mean men copulating with other species. Back in the time of Jesus, men tended over sexy furry flocks for months on end and if you interpret the bible correctly you will have proof that there was lovemaking. Even Mr. Goody Two Shoes, Jesus, had his share of furry friends and it was accepted and cool at that time. However, you don’t see any half human, half sheep, other than politicians, around right?

So interbreeding species has been done before with sheep and who knows what else and it didn’t produce an intermediary, but none the less it was done so it is a proven fact that humans will copulate with other species. Nothing in the history books say anything about interbreeding with chimps but anyone who has taken a probability course can quickly figure out it has and is still happening on a daily basis. Hint: There are thousands of chimps in government testing labs in the US and thousands of lonely janitors tending them in those long dark nights. Yet there is not one case of a successful intermediary being produced given the overwhelming odds that they are copulating daily.

The scientific fact is that chimps are the most likely candidate and even then there is preparatory biotechnical work that has to be done with both the chimp and you to ensure that that your sperm will penetrate the chimp’s egg and create a viable intermediary with out rejection, not to mention the chimp killing you in the process.

So lets say its works and now you have a half chimp, half man – what does he look like and what can you do with him. He is obviously black, can run and jump like crazy and has the ability to understand the word basketball! Bingo, we now have the greatest basketball team in the world with the intelligence to play by the rules. You don’t have to pay the team because they are too stupid to demand it so the team owners end up making a fortune by taking advantage of them like we currently do with our collage football teams.

The forestry industry would do well with a chainsaw wielding chimp that could devastate a forest in short order with no pay and little food. Telephone linemen and power pole linemen would be a thing of the past so they now could do what they do best, stand around in groups of 7 kicking the ground while holding a shovel.

It is not likely that this half breed intermediary would be able to talk like humans at this stage but it wouldn’t be screaming like normal chimps do either given that it knows that if it does it sounds like a chimp, which it hates since chimps are in the pet class and he is far above. However, by making him a ¾ breed you would most likely get a talking chimp. Since the major hurdle of the biotechnical preparatory work for breeding is not required any more a simple trip to any Alabama bar should get you a ¾ breed.

Now you have an obviously upright standing humanoid that can run fast, talk, climb, think, take orders so what have we got here? Think war! We have breed the best standing army there ever was – thousands of them – too stupid to know they are fighting a war that doesn’t matter and proud enough to happily give their miserable lives for their country.

Obviously we would also end up with many tempting female ¾ intermediaries which we would need to keep out of men’s way to keep this experiment in control. The last thing we need to end up with is thousands of 7/8 intermediaries who are indistinguishable from the general population of Port Townsend, Washington.

For Sale By Owner

Have you ever noticed that the real estate listing agent wants to list your home and put a sign up in from of your house for 3% of the selling price and then whoever sells it wants another 3%? For a Typical $400,000 house that is a total of $24,000! Now that is Bullshit!

Before the Internet there was value in real estate brokers since they had the only MLS on the market to spread the word of your home sale to all the other brokers who in turn told their clients. Now, we have the Internet so MLS is obsolete, yet the brokers still want their 6% for doing very little and are likely not required at all.

I sold my last house for $400,000 and no broker at all. I listed in Craig's List and sold it within a couple months. Once I found the buyer, or he found me, we simple told the local title office to draw up the documents, which they did for a couple hundred bucks. Deal was done.